God has been incredibly, abundantly, immeasurably faithful to me. A little over a year ago, I set out on a journey of healing, and though the road hasn't been easy, God has shown Himself faithful every step of the way. The first trek of the journey, He renewed my joy. I messed up and took a minor detour when I left my heart unguarded, but God walked the detour with me and loved me through it, redeeming even the details of my broken heart along the way. I finally made it back on track and found myself in a wonderful community of believers, smack dab in the middle of His will for my life, where He continued to show Himself faithful in the details of my walk with Him. He spoke clearly to me regarding the next step in my journey towards healing and I proceeded to walk, despite the fear and doubt that tugged at my sleeve. Yet again, He was faithful in this and I found incredible peace, love, and support. Following this triumph, an unexpected scare brought me to my knees in prayer, pleading for the life and well-being of one of my most precious friends, but God spoke through the storm and reminded me that He was sovereign, and most importantly, that His heart is for us even when circumstances leave us weary and wondering. I finally understood in my heart the old song lyric "when you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart." By the grace of God Almighty, my friend was healed and I had yet another reason to thank and praise God for His faithfulness. God had been wooing me, drawing me to Himself the whole time. Still, there were pains from my past that I was reluctant to release to Him. He loved me through my reluctance, and eventually, I conceded. I proceeded in obedience, and lo and behold, He was faithful. He's teaching me that He truly honors obedience. He's also teaching me that I need to surrender and walk humbly, because humble surrender is key to walking in the freedom of His grace. This journey is hard, and at times it hurts beyond belief, but I remember one of my favorite verses:
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
I also remember that if my heart was worth dying for, then it is surely worth fighting for, too. I heard it said just recently that "His love makes me worthy." I'm finally seeing myself, at least partially, through God's eyes of unconditional love. I am worthy because He made me worthy! This isn't to say that I am without fault or problem- quite the opposite! I'm broken. Some days, even falling apart at the seams. But, He's teaching me that part of healing is learning to embrace that brokenness. I've always thought that admitting brokenness was weak. Again, quite the opposite. Embracing brokenness is strength! It's healthy. It's wholeness. (Though as my chaplain recently said, we must also be careful not to be "over-flowingly toxic.") I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, these cement walls, barbed-wire fences, and alligator-infested trenches around my heart are being demolished. And in their place, I will stand, vulnerable, broken, and beautiful. Yielded to my Savior. Trusting in my Lord. Healed. Whole. I look forward to that day with eager anticipation. And in the mean time, I keep walking, listening, surrendering, and thanking God for His faithfulness to me, right now.
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